Listening to Mary J. and the song kind of reminds me of myself. Take me as I am..We say that is how others must see us in order to be in our lives, yet we constantly try to change to be what they need. Following the song lyrics, “yes she’s older now, wiser now,” I realize that I couldn’t make the ones I loved happy because they weren’t getting “ME.” They were getting a watered down version of whom I thought they wanted with a little dash of me. One person that I held strong within my heart told me as they saw my writing and me as “trying to be a goody goody, holier than thou person.” At first it stung, than I tried to clarify or bring justice to my work. Let’s be frank. When you are constantly trying to be what someone else needs, give them their wants and desires,make them happy, you will get stressed,depressed and lose sight of who you are, what you want and eventually get burned out because you NEVER get what you need from them. How is that? Simple, because you never stop and say, hey..I need something from you too. My writing allows me to explore what i want, desire, have experienced and its rarely what you call “goody goody, I’m better than thou.” My passion is love. In the pass, what I needed, I wrote about. Never expected that if I gave the ones I loved what they wanted, that I wouldn’t receive the same.

So now it’s the RAW me. Love me, or leave me. Take me as I am. As Mary J. said it, “I can only be me.” No one I know can be me, and not one of the people in your lives can be you. So why do we take our most precious selves and change the original package God made in order to make our “Sugar Cups, Boo’s or Soul mates” happy?  There will be many answers to this, and I am not looking for anyone to inbox me or write a response to this question. I do however want you to meditate on this, and free yourselves of other people’s descriptions of you. Personally, change is a hard and long journey me, but it is coming together as planned. No, not my plan, but Gods. Again, now the only acceptance I am looking for is with God. I’m not trying to be a goody, holier than others or anyone besides the perfect package made by God that requires unadulterated love and respect from those that are in my life now. There maybe a turning point as it was in my life, one that left me stranded in my feelings “Alone side a Road” (Read that blog to understand).Something that maked me say, “You have to love yourself more than this!” Pain, disappointment, disrespect and abandonment from others have not made me BITTER, but shown me how to be a BETTER me. The only choice I give now is to walk away or simply, TAKE ME AS  I AM!

Let’s chat. Sometimes we can hope for the best. Sometimes we pray for God to give us favor in what we want. Maybe it’s not what he want.  Recently, I lost a couple of key people in my life, and it hurt like hell! However, I have to keep on going because I know it’s what my “biggest fan”(my Big ma-Auntie) would want. I said I lost a couple huh? Well..I have. My path has changed places, and I realize not that they were holding me back, not that they are bad people, it’s that I am on a level now that if I want to finish with what I started..What God has placed into my heart..I had to let some people go.

I started a book a few years ago, never finished it. Had no direction, no time and a hell of a lot of distractions. Marriage, children, responsibilities, struggling with my faith…just a lot for one person to deal with and see what God had planned for me. Just because you see a smile on the outside doesn’t mean its pure and true.  Maybe you should step outside your “character” and help others with their burdens and yours will be lifted. I did just that. And it holds true. I have been blessed abundantly within a few weeks of surrendering …money, position and a book deal. No this is not the key to happiness. I want you to examine yourselves, your lifestyle, and be true to what you want and who you want in them. I did.

Realize that not everyone will stay on the “top shelf” in your life. (Read my blog Shelf Life). You have a journey ahead… and I’m going to share my journey with you…but as for now I will leave you to reminisce on what  I just said …until then, be blessed and talk with you soon..

Tears wouldn’t fall,and I was appalled

Standing in disbelief of the grief my heart felt.

Though the timing seemed right, because it was a contrast to last night…As he held me close, and whispered, “I miss you. ”

Thought I had a plan,  in my mind after lunch I would be more than his friend.  So why did I stand alone?

Confusion plagued me as I sat in my car, 10 minutes, 20 minutes. .he had gone to far..

I wanted to cry out, scream at his impatience…

but my soul is tired as i could hear my concise say “no don’t give in let him go, you’ve done nothing wrong this time but now you know.  ”

So why was I still standing alone?

The sacrifice to be here, the urgency to give him what he had been asking for. .

all laid in the trunk of my car and my heart had grown tired of being ignored..

So why am I still standing alone?

I’m not.

I picked up my pride,  got into my ride and finished the chapter of an untold story.

~LM

**sometimes we choose to fight for someone or something we never had a chance of winning. ..

It’s not the way he spoke to me,

It’s the words that he didn’t say that brought me closer…

It wasn’t where he touched me,

It was how he would caress me through his gaze that touched my heart.

It wasn’t the way he kissed me,

It was the way his lips touched my soul when we had been apart…

It’s the way he walks into a room …

All my fears, painful years, and problems cease to exist…

It’s the way he holds me close and I inhale…

All of his thoughts, desires, and how he cares for me are made clear…

I’m infatuated and hypnotized with the love that surrounds everything about this man

So I’ll continue to love, appreciate and pray that through all things our love will withstand. ~~LHM

**It’s the small things in life that we must cherish. Can you honestly love the “bad qualities or quirky” things of a person? If not, how can you expect others to accept your imperfections?**

In the midst of some of my happiest days or my bitter sweet sorrows,

I enjoyed our time together but I never thought they’d be no tomorrow.

Though I never took you for granted, I never wanted to be without your presence…

All your wisdom, advice on my happiness, my life, you are a reason of my luminescence.

Just when my desires, dreams and blessings are now coming true

I find myself as I would normally do trying to reach out and call you…

In the midst of my most joyful days turn inconsolable all too fast!!!

Though you told me when someone truly loves you that bond doesn’t perish it lasts…

In the midst of these tears I may shed, I am honored you lovingly placed me under your wing…

 You taught this hummingbird how to fly in her own light and use my words to sing…

In Loving Memory to one of my few “Front Row” loves…

I once read by a great author (Sophia Nelson), “We are built for love, for connection, and for fellowship with other people.” This couldn’t hold more truth if it had been a law. When I am around the ones that I know truly have my best interests at heart, I never grow tired of smiling and laughing. There are those that I remind daily that they are loved by me, and I will continue to let them know this because we never know what it is that someone needs to hear. We are built to enjoy our time here on this earth, so why do we make it such a strain on ourselves to be happy? Forgive quickly, and love even faster is my thoughts on everyday life. We can place the blame on 1000 people, but it is us who have to carry around the anger, hurt, resentment, and bitterness…We are built to RECONNECT with those that we hold dear to our hearts, those we can’t imagine waking up and not having the opportunity to say “I love you and I honor you!”  Regardless of the miles that may separate you from those you care about,  it’s only a phone call away to take up the space and bring back the closeness. We are all so busy in life achieving what ever it is we are destined for, that we are missing the one thing that we are placed on this earth for. LOVE!! We were never built to question what love is, how it works, or to have never experience it…Actually its quite the opposite, we were built-in perfect LOVE..

                     

With Medicines, Pharmacists give them a shelf life for the Technicians to rotate.

This is the very same we as human beings should do with the people in our lives.

I’m talking about your front Row (your inner circle), the social circle and “everyone else” you have in your life.

If we exercise great relationships in our lives, they have a tendency to grow stronger. However, when we grow apart and have a lack of communication there’s a host of things that can weaken the bond such as envy, jealousy, lack of respect or just plain selfishness.

Of course unlike medicines we can work on keeping that bond strong, however sometime the inevitable happens… we all take different routes in life and we become distant, hence a need to move in another direction and accept others as a part of our social circle instead of one of the front row people.

Those are those relationships where even time and distance can’t severe the bond. I do have quite a few relationships like that and the reason is all in one word. LOVE! I love my friends and loved ones to a point where when mistakes or problems  occurs, we still try to look at the  bigger picture and love one another  through them. Everyone won’t fit on your top shelf, and there’s no need to try to fit them there. (You’ll stress and put yourself into an early grave trying to do so.)

We can always move a loved one (friend or family member) to another shelf before the relationship gets worse. This means you won’t ignore them, you may need to just give them room and you get yours while you both sort through some things. In your lives learn how to keep an eye on your shelves and ensure all people on top shelves (inner circle) is receiving the friendship they give you, (even with a simple call to say I love and appreciate you). When everyone is in their proper place there will be less confusion and disappointments in your life from what you expect from them.

~LHM

What is life’s meaning? Pure and simple unadulterated LOVE! Simple gifts that means so much to you..people that can spark a sense of purpose in your heart. It’s there, you just have to feel it and accept nothing less then what brings you joy. 

Sometimes we find a need or yearn to fight every battle thrown our way. Yet, when you get weighed down on those things you can’t win, what do you do?  My point is all that energy you put on people that are only temporary in your life, or situations that you can’t change you are wasting a moment of the laughs and joyful moments you can be experiencing! As we grow older we realize that our time on this earth is precious and not promised. .why not focus on being a better you?  Become someone who was known to love unconditionally and not one who was known to love chaos. The choice is yours..wake up everyday defending your character, or wake up and show it..

~LM